So I was sitting here paying some bills and decided to go deposit some of my hard earned cash from selling drugs in the 'hood (ok that's a lie, don't freeze my accounts!). I got all my stuff together, slapped on a jacket and headed out. I stopped to mail the bills on the way and had a non-eventful 2-minute drive to the bank. I finished up my cigarette on the way to the door and noticed there was no ashtray outside What is with Californian's? I thought to myself They want you, as a smoker, to put your shit in the trash, but then they don't provide one I looked around and then dropped it as I came to a curb.

There was some old guy walking to the door right as I approached Fuck that's one more person I'm stuck behind. "Shit" I heard the guy mumble under his breath as he walked in. There was a line of 10-15 people. That'll teach me to go to the bank on Friday.

I get in line behind the little old guy. He immediately starts chatting with the black woman ahead of him. He points out the bulletproof glass "you think that can stop some bullets" he asks her. Meanwhile just ahead of the black lady is a black girl talking on her cell phone and a Chinese guy in front of her talking on his cell phone at full volume in Chinese.

CNN is on two TV's in the upper corners behind the glass and have their closed captioning on. The line moves and I slide over a little so I can lean my arm on one of those little pylon things that hold the belts to divide the line.

"You can't even talk to the tellers through that thing, you have to lean down and talk through the hole." the annoying guy continues.

"Yeah and you have to shout and everyone can hear your business" the black lady says, chuckling in a kind of nervous annoyed laugh.

The guy stopped talking and was looking around, he looked back at me. I stared at the TV and put my biggest angry scowl on so he wouldn't say anything.

The black girl on the phone says "Hold on" and switches to an incoming call "hey, what's up" she says. The line moves forward and the annoying Chinese guy finally gets off his phone. The black girl continues chatting and CNN has some story about a daughter holding her son talking about how she's worried about her father who's in Iraq.

The black girl switches back to the other line again and starts blabbing again. The annoying old guy bugs the black lady again. "How's she do that? Switching back and forth on the phone like that?" The black lady consoles him by saying she's not sure how to work a cell phone either. The line moves forward, only 3 people ahead of me now.

The old guy continues his Larry David impression bending over and actually looking at the black girls phone. "Nokia, that's like the one I have. My wifes doesn't work sometimes it says no signal and she can't talk on it".

"Yeah, sometimes in stores you can't get a signal" the black lady says.

"I don't get that" he says looking at the black girls phone. In a moment of opportunity to show off, the black lady pulls out her phone.

"I just got this one yesterday, it has a camera on it."

Mentally I'm cussing these people out. Shut the fuck up already. Cell phones are annoying nuisances and shouldn't be used every possible chance you can. I've never understood the fascination people seem to have with cell phones. Back in the 80's it was seen as a status symbol, but when I see someone today with a cell phone, talking all loud to get attention, all I think is Asshole.

Finally the line moves. I'm almost to the front. I watch some more TV and I look up to see which teller I'm going to get. I hope it's not the Persian looking guy who always asks if I want to attach my account to my home mortgage for overdraft protection. Luckily I dodged him, but with my luck I'll get him the next time, no doubt.

I got some slightly plump girl who looked Polynesian-White mixed. I dropped my cash and deposit slip in the little slot under the bulletproof glass and just said "Deposit". I don't like to fuck around in the bank, just do your shit, hand me a receipt and let me go. I also took a quick look at her breasts slyly, just for the hell of it.

"So have you started your weekend already?" She asks me.

"No"

"You have to go back to work?"

"Yep."

"Where do you work?"

"Ummm, a web hosting company" I lied.

"Oh, what do you do?"

"Umm, Software Engineering" at this point I'm thinking to myself If you're not gonna blow me, fuck me or give me some investment in a company of mine I really don't want to talk to you. Just give me my receipt so I can get me out of here. She counts the money.

"What was that you said you did?"

"Programming."

"Oh, computer stuff." she runs my deposit slip through the machine. She asks my name and confirms my address.

"Yeah, that's me" I said. I tried to put a vacant look on my face and stared up at the TV like I was really into it.

"So you have to go back to work again huh?"

"Yep" I lied.

"So, do you have a credit card with us?"

"No, I'm not interested."

"Oh do you have one with another place?"

"Yes"

"Do they charge a yearly fee?"

"No, I'm really not interested". What's with the twenty questions? Man I was really annoyed at this point. Normally I can go in and deposit my shit in about a minute and a half, but this teller just wanted to keep chatting. Finally she handed me the slip and I said "Have a nice day" as I left. I'm really, really polite to people even when I'm cussing them out in my head.

I looked at the receipt as I walked to the door. I made sure I read the door as I came to it, so that I pushed and didn't pull and look like a goddamn idiot. Nothing worse than looking like a goddamn idiot.

As I walked to the car there was some young black girl and black guy shouting back and forth across the whole parking lot.

"You got my number?"

"I forgot it" the guy shouted back. Shut the fuck up I thought to myself. They continued walking away from each other as she shouted out her number for all to hear. I didn't write it down.

I got in my car and had an uneventful drive home except for some stupid large truck that couldn't decide whether to go around the SBC phone truck on the side of the road with it's hazards on or to wait behind it. Fuckin' imbecile, get the fuck out of the way.

I walked in, put some Smores flavored pop tarts in the toaster, flipped on the TV and grabbed a Wild Cherry Pepsi out of the fridge.

Beltway Traffic Jammed